2 posts tagged “hate”
Today's the third time I've come home crying since starting my job back in June.
My list of complaints:
- Don't bitch to me about how long I'm staying after my shift ends -- I know I'm behind and it's usually because I don't want YOU to get behind with things I haven't done and then later have YOU bitch me out because, "oh she didn't do this..."
- Don't tell me my assessment is wack if you haven't bothered to actually assess the patient yet. Or HELL, don't tell me off when you never assess the patient at all! Don't think I don't find out! I know, bitch, I know -- the patients always ask me why I'm in there listening and checking on their asses in the middle of the night when "the other nurse never did that!" Furthermore, you have no license to call my assessment inaccurate when you're charting CLEAR BILATERAL BREATH SOUNDS ON A PATIENT THAT IS MISSING ONE LUNG. YOU CAN'T HAVE BREATH SOUNDS ON BOTH SIDES IF SOMEONE'S ONLY GOT ONE LUNG, BITCH. I'm not trying to be a smart ass, but if you think you hear something, why don't you chart it as a referred ventilation instead? Because that's what it actually is.
- Don't complain to me for having to hang runs of potassium. I know potassium is a pain in the ass, but we get our labs back at 5:30am, and I can't hang 4 runs over the last part of the shift unless I want to send someone into asystole.
- Especially don't bitch at me about having to hang runs of potassium after you forgot to administer a drip during your shift and left it hanging on my IV pole without the bag even being punctured to be tapped into the IV tubing. Usually when you chart you've done something -- you've already done it (or should be actively giving it). Not have left it hanging on a pole unadministered.
- Please don't tell me my patient assignment is a piece of cake -- honey, because you didn't call for a doctor to come during the day when you had SUSPECTED SEIZURE ACTIVITY initially. I had to stat paging the medical house to come up and assess the patient and then give seizure meds after he conferred with a neurologist. Don't forget, I did BOTH of your fucking patients baths when I was only obligated to do one on top of getting the other patient intubated, sedated, and their meds switched over to a form that can be given through an NG tube. I had those patients neat and tidy by the time you got in so that you're not swamped in shit like I was -- sure, it's a piece of cake once all those things are taken care of, right?
You may not realize it as lay people visiting loved ones at a hospital, but nursing is very much a team effort, and if you don't like the team you're on -- you just can't do it very well. Bad employee morale just makes it worse and I'm getting to my breaking point. I don't want to be one of the bitter and jaded nurses that work on my unit at such a young age. Nor do I want to be the topic of heated gossip above a patient's sedated and ventilated body.
Give me a break and just let me be. I want to get through the next 4 months without being permanently scarred for life so that I can move back to the hospital I love without battle wounds. I hate nurses that eat their young.
I had another bad night.
I got slapped with two tasky patients, both of which were non-intubated, but one was an admission post-code from a vascular floor. Both were awake, alert, and oriented, but both required being checked on about every 10 minutes for whatever reason. The stress of not being able to keep up with the demands of both; the trying personalities of the patients, and frustration with the other nurses with administration's inability to keep us safe from something one of the patients had was taking a toll on me.
By about 10pm that evening, I needed a serious hug.
If it weren't for Elaine, Joanne, and a short visit from Matt that night -- I would've surely sank. I never had the time that night to thank the three of them properly for the wonderful emotional support they gave me, but they made a difference for me that evening.
I think the thing I miss most about my last job was the people that I worked with. Good employee morale and great teamwork between the nurses goes a long way into how smoothly your night goes. In the case of that last night it was pretty much Elaine that saved me for most of the evening by helping me take care of the tasky guy that was whining about his CBI (continuous bladder irrigation). Even with .05 of fentanyl every two hours, lidocaine cream to his penis, and psychological comforting he was still unhappy. At the end of the night; I was tired, achey, my stomach was cramping -- and still behind by about 2 hours. On top of that -- I wasn't even notified that the patient with the CBI was for *sure* going for a cath in the morning.
I'm sure that if Norma had been there that night, I probably would've got a reaming for being so behind, and then a stick shoved up my ass for not finding out about the other patient going for a cath. Somehow, after the first few weeks I had off of orientation, the clinical coordinator morphed into the beast from hell. There's no encouragement and mercy left from her, and no room left to talk easily about problems I want to address with the management. It's intimidating and frustrating that I can't talk to her about how badly the unit seems to be pushing the new grads -- and how all three of us want to quit because of them.
I think the sad part is that no matter what, I know that this is probably the first of many times that I'll have to suck it up and take it. One of the nurses said to me, while I cried, "Honey, I've had nights like this before and I've sat there crying just like you have -- you'll keep having them, and eventually you just can't cry anymore because you've got nothing left."
I called out the following night. It wasn't because I just couldn't take another night like that, but because that night had taken it out of me. I'm feeling progressively worse (worse as in, my GI symptoms of nausea and pain during eating) these days on top of being stressed from my job. I think this is probably the last thing I need to deal with.
I want to quit my job, and if it weren't so difficult (with the contract, bonuses, repaying the unit for classes I'm taking... etc.), I would... but it doesn't fix the underlying problem on that unit. Matt had once told me that my unit (along with the other cardiovascular intensive care unit next door) was notorious for 'eating their young.' Being where I am now, I agree with that statement wholeheartedly and I can't believe how much crap I got screwed into even after I rescinded my contract. And honestly if it weren't because of Elaine and Joanne (and a few other members of the night and day shifts), I wouldn't be as sane as I am right now.
This definitely goes to show, that your co-workers contribute to a great deal of your happiness in nursing -- if you can't like who you work with, it's best working somewhere else.
